


Deceit’s Quarantine Diary

by enby369



Series: TS Quarantine Diaries [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Deceits diary, I honestly dk how to tag, I’m sick of quarantine and this is my way of getting it out, Logan is a private investigator, M/M, Multi, Past unsympathetic Deceit, Quarantine, Swearing throughout, There’s a lot of demon stuff going on, They’re humans btw, Unsympathetic Remus, Virgil has a paranormal YouTube channel, diary format, he did stuff wrong but he’s sorry, hope everyone is well, human quarantined au then I guess, i think that’s important, lmk if I do something wrong, might do the others sides diaries dk, poor dee, rip my sleep schedule
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 7,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23690545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enby369/pseuds/enby369
Summary: Deceit is stuck in quarantine with Remus, Roman, Virgil, Patton and Logan. He keeps a diary to cope. Watch the world come crashing down as Deceit tries to preserve his little remaining sanity.Sorry if you don’t like the quarantine stuff I’m honestly just letting myself write out of frustration. Stay safe everyone.
Relationships: LAMP - Relationship, Polysanders, calm - Relationship
Series: TS Quarantine Diaries [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1715602
Comments: 35
Kudos: 71





	1. Thursday 16th April

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> Hope you enjoy this. I was bored and frustrated when I started it, but it’s helping to distract from my own situation and if this makes at least one person a tiny bit entertained then I’m happy.  
> Not sure where I’m taking this. But here we go I guess?? Also I apologise I’m terrible at tagging.

Thursday 16th April  
Dear Diary,  
Quarantine has been going on for what *doesn’t* feel like forever. Remus and I are staying with his idiot brother. His idiot brother and 3 boyfriends. Luckily they have a mansion. I really struggle to understand how they got a hold of money for such a huge place.  
But we’re here for the foreseeable future. As I have all the time in the world, I may as well explain who else is here. 

There’s obviously me, Deceit. And I’m not gonna tell you anything about me, as that’s none of your business. 

Remus is here. He’s... chaotic to say the least. Whether he’s on top of the fridge with garlic bread or running about the place with a mace, he’s definitely unpredictable.

Remus’ twin brother who owns the mansion, Roman,is annoying as always. He’s a narcissistic disney-loving motherfucker. What he lacks in the personality department he *doesn’t* make up for in the looks one, he does look pretty great. Not like I like him though. Too much of an idiot. Not the good type of idiot either.

Roman has 3 boyfriends. 1. is puffball Patton. He’s a goof-ball moron. Too empathetic for his own good, in my opinion. He’s gonna get taken advantage of. He’s the perfect sort of person to do that to. He’s weak. I would’ve manipulated him back in the day, but I’m past that now. I realised my errors and I’m trying to get better. It’s hard though.

Logan is the next boyfriend. He seems pretty robotic on the surface and at first I wasn’t sure if there was much more to him, but after watching him for a bit. He’s a boiling pot of emotions and it’s gonna boil over any moment now. I for one, cannot wait for that show.

Then, Roman’s last boyfriend, Virgil. My sworn enemy. He abandoned us and left us for dead. I’m sure you can imagine *how well* we are getting on in the same house, even if it is a mansion. I generally try to avoid him. I am a confrontational person, but until we’re out of this mess, I’ll have to hold off on the *civil* arguments. 

I don’t want to add to life’s miseries. That’s why I have this diary now, so I can say what I want without backlash. I’ll have to hide this, though. I’ve got a few ideas on where. They won’t find it, but if they do... they don’t call me Deceit for nothing.

-Deceit


	2. Friday 17th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kudos and kind words! I’m so happy you’re enjoying this. 
> 
> If anyone has any ideas for situations for me to write about please don’t be scared to recommend something!
> 
> With that said, please enjoy!

Friday 17th April  
It’s interesting how life just... goes on. There’s still cars rolling down the country roads. I’d imagine there was more before this whole situation started, but there’s still the occasional one. Two if you’re pushing it.

There’s still a ridiculous amount of Disney songs being blasted through the mansion from Roman’s room. Which *im sure* is completely out of the ordinary for someone so boisterous as Roman.

Still. It’s funny to see how the world is going through something so... terrible. This pandemic that is ruining lives. But life doesn’t stop. And if life doesn’t stop, Remus doesn’t stop. He’s been just about as crazy as usual.

He carved a miniature bleeding octopus from a random piece of wood at about 3AM this morning. How do I know this? I heard noises outside and automatically assumed it was Remus. I’m sure *it’s not* concerning in anyway that that is my reaction, but oh well.

I looked out my window and, Remus was in the oversized back garden. I couldn’t see what he was doing, but after dealing with Remus for so long you learn to just ignore him at certain times. This morning, he “introduced” it to me. He called it Larry or something along the lines of that. I didn’t really pay attention.

While I was eating breakfast I saw Remus steal all of the cheese from the fridge. I have no idea what he did with it, and I’m not sure I want to know. Naturally I checked the bathtub, because every other time he’s done this he took it all to the bath and then slept in it, but I had no luck.

None of the other people in this house have mentioned how all the cheese has been kidnapped. I don’t know if it’s because they haven’t noticed or they’re used to Remus’ bullshit already. They seem a little too dull to understand Remus’... strange ways. Virgil used to be able to understand, but not anymore. Those *saints* made him like them. The emo version of a dumb blonde.

That’s really all the information I can provide on Remus’ antics. He spent the rest of the day in his room on the 2nd floor. But I swear I heard Latin chanting coming from his room. Something about a “rat deus”. I’ve learned not to question anything he says and/or does.

Not the craziest things he’s done, so I suppose I can be grateful about that. I am sort of scared in case he does pull something worse. We’d probably get kicked out if he stepped too far out of line.

Fingers crossed, I guess.

Deceit


	3. Saturday 18th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for everything. I hope you’re all well. Remember to stay safe, we’re all in this together!

Saturday 18th April

Someone finally noticed the cheese was missing. Virgil just assumed it was Remus. Maybe he isn’t as naive as I thought. He’s still pretty boring now though. He was far more...entertaining when we were friends.

Everything’s a bit boring now. There’s nothing to do. Princey‘s Disney related endeavours are straight-up repetitive at this point, I have feeling Patton was never much fun to begin with, Remus can’t be as fun as usual because the bores are constantly on patrol.

Logan’s bearable though. He tells me psychology facts, which can be interesting at times. I remember how he started telling me the facts. We were watching a true crime show. Virgil was there too. I commented on how a suspect’s body language seemed off, and it really just took off from there.

Some of the stuff he’s told me about manipulation has *totally not* been getting to me. It’s sort of...shone a light on how I used to act. I have to admit, I am a little ashamed. It’s stupid, I’m past that, right?

But even some of the stuff I’ve realised I still do. I lie a lot, for example. I can’t help it. I hide a lot of how I feel, not like happy and sad emotions. More like, contempt and recently anger. Why though? I’ve always lied about things but never really feelings like those.

I think it’s because I’m stuck here. I don’t want to ruin things. I feel like if I fuck up too badly, number 1, things could get a lot more tense. Sure, a little bit of tension is fun to play around with, but not when it’s inescapable. Number 2, we could get kicked out.

We’re here out of “the goodness of Roman’s heart”, I still have a feeling he doesn’t want us here any more than we want to be here. But this is where it’s safest for us right now. We have to stay here, and I can’t risk doing something wrong.

I’m almost sure that Virgil’s told his boyfriends about our... extensive history. So it’s already a miracle we’re allowed to step within 100ft of the perimeter. If either Remus or I step one foot out of line, we’re dead. Nothing can go wrong.

I’ve made this clear to Remus. Not one toe can go out of line. Too risky. But Remus doesn’t listen. He’s still going about his foolery. Nothing too drastic, thankfully. He can’t really pull anything too severe because he doesn’t really have access to a lot of materials. 

He used to play around with blood and other things of the sort. I would’ve been agitated if I wasn’t used to it. There’s none of that here. It’s a nice break but I sort of miss it. Remus is funny sometimes.

Deceit


	4. Sunday 19th April 2020

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Quick warning for not sleeping, fainting and dehydration. It’s not that detailed but be careful :)

Sunday 19th April 

A lot of shit happened today. Surprisingly, Remus was not really all that involved. It was still very... eventful, to say the least.

Roman and Virgil stayed up all night watching Disney movies. A common occurrence. We found Roman asleep on the couch, head leaning on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil was awake and scrolling through tumblr. It almost would’ve been cute if they weren’t so irritating.

Logan went grocery shopping just after lunch. All of the cheese has been restocked. It’s still there as far as I know. Shortly after Logan came back, Virgil was talking to Patton about who knows what, when Virgil fainted.

They laid him on couch waiting for him to wake up. He did, maybe about 5 minutes later, his 3 boyfriends were by his side. I watched from the doorway and Remus from the top of the stairs. After a few minutes of interrogation Logan soon concluded he passed out from dehydration and not sleeping.

Apparently Virgil didn’t sleep on Thursday because he was p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶d̶ over-thinking some cryptid videos. The next day, Friday, he was editing a video for his paranormal YouTube channel. Didn’t catch any sleep then either. The Disney all-nighter with Princey just put the final nail in the coffin.

I’ve never seen Patton so... well, I guess it’s over protectiveness. When it comes down to Virgil, Patton is the ultimate protector. He was pretty gentle, but firm and sort of an underlying annoyance. Not with the fact that Virgil was being inconvenient and fainting like a posh Victorian lady who wore a corset for too long. More because he wasn’t taking proper care of himself.

Patton would flip out if he seen Virgil when he was with us. I really missed him when he left, but he’s happier here. I advocate for putting yourself before others, but he’s better off here. I can easily tell his anxiety’s not as severe and by the looks on his boyfriends’ faces they’re not used to this sort of situation. That’s good news.

I *don’t* miss the old Virgil. But even though selfishness is usually great. I don’t think that me... wanting to be friends again is right. I look into all of their eyes, not just Virgil, but his boyfriends’ too, and i know. A glance at their faces. I can’t come between that. 

The rest of the day was pretty much run of the mill. Patton sentenced Virgil to hours upon hours of rest and Roman didn’t leave his room. That was out of the ordinary. There was no Disney or Broadway tunes, just silence.

Maybe I misjudged Princey...

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should I take this down an angstier path? Should I steer towards fluff? You decide! I’m always open for suggestions :)  
> Thank you for reading, stay safe <3


	5. Monday 20th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments it really makes my day when I know that people enjoy my work.
> 
> Stay safe :))

Monday 20th April 

It was a pretty slow day. Patton was away, doing volunteer work at a dog shelter. Logan, Virgil and Roman were in their rooms all day, working. 

Logan is a Private Investigator, he’s working on a cold missing person case. It seems to be stressing him out quite a bit. 

Virgil has a paranormal YouTube channel. He’d usually go to different haunted locations across America, and make videos about his experiences. Now lockdown is a thing he’s doing a lot of possession cases, because you can’t really visit possession cases. Patton’s been trying to tell him to take a break from research because apparently he’s been rather jumpy lately. Not that I’ve noticed.

Roman was a performer before all this. I’m not exactly sure what he does, but I’m *not at all* sure it suits him entirely because of the outfits he wears. Every single Wednesday he’s doing a fashion show of some sort. It’s a miracle he hasn’t ran out of flamboyant costumes to wear.

Ridiculous attire aside, Roman can’t perform in front of an audience, like he’s used to. So he’s been borrowing Virgil’s camera and microphone to make videos of who knows what. All I know is it involves him singing Disney songs at the top of him lungs. That’s obnoxious enough, but I’m jealous.

Not of the fact he *doesn’t* the voice of a literal angel. He’s using Virgil’s equipment... When we were friends no one was allowed within 10ft of his stuff. I already know that Virgil is closer with his boyfriends in 2 years than we were in nearly 20 years of friendship. We were friends since literally day one. Now he trusts this idiot with his “precious equipment”

I shouldn’t be angry. This is my fault. I was manipulative and and all-around bitch to him. He came to his senses and got out. It hurt me back then, but after a few months I realised... I was in the wrong. A year and a half later I’m here and I’m still sorry. I still feel like shit. I still want to restore what we had. Even a fraction of that would be... nice.

I want to apologise, but it’s hard. He doesn’t even let himself be alone in a room with me for more than 5 minutes. He doesn’t trust me. I’m really sorry, he doesn’t know that and I’m never going to be able to say it because his walls are heavily guarded.

That’s my fault. The walls so heavily guarded because I fucked up. But he can’t just lower the p̶a̶r̶a̶n̶o̶i̶a̶ vigilance for a second and let me apologise. Make it right. I don’t want to interfere with what he has. He’s happy now, i said that already and I tell myself that every time I see him. 

But why can’t I be happy? I deserve it too! Sure, maybe I was a really bad person back then, but I’m past that! If he wasn’t so blinded by the past he’d see that! Why can’t I have that tiny satisfaction? Just maybe be friends again. That’s not a big deal! 

I got over this all, why can’t he just get over it too?

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not sure whether to make this angsty or not. I’m most likely going to make it a little angsty but not too much. Just a light sprinkle. Still, let me know what you think. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed that slightly longer chapter: bye! And remember:
> 
> Stay safe :))


	6. Tuesday 21st April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Going to take it a little down the angsty route. There’s mentions of insecurity here, so be wary of that.
> 
> I might go a little angstier, but if I do, it won’t focus on angst about the virus. It might be mentioned or add to the characters’ problems, but it won’t focus on it.
> 
> I think there’s enough angst in the real world, I don’t need to add to it in the fictional one.
> 
> Hope you’re all good. Remember to stay safe and you are incredibly loved and beautiful.

Tuesday 21st April 

I have come to the conclusion that Princey is not okay. This is the 2nd day he’s had Virgil’s equipment. He didn’t have a single video or whatever he’s making filmed, claiming none of them were good enough.

In the end, Patton gave him a pep talk, which contained several Disney references, and Roman came back with 2 videos of him singing, ‘Waving through a Window’ from Dear Evan Hansen and ‘How Far I’ll Go” from Moana. 

His boyfriends showered him in compliments, even Virgil! I never saw him as the compliment type. Roman’s only uploaded the first video, but it’s getting a little attention already.

He was reluctant to show his boyfriends his work. He was awfully tense when they were eventually permitted to see it. I cannot describe the look of relief on his face when they treasured it.

Despite his obvious success with the videos, he still seems not at all insecure... He was nit picking at every single note he hit in the videos, saying they weren’t good enough. At the end of the day, his voice is always absolutely demolished. That much work shouldn’t be put into only 2 videos.

I’m not saying it’s not hard work. It is, and if you want something to be good, you have to put work into it. This much work for these sort of projects is plain unrealistic. Roman Prince is insecure, end of story.

It’s incredibly obvious, and it’s unbelievably frustrating seeing this being passed off as perfectionism. I’m *completely* sure he’s *100%* fine.

Since I didn’t see anyone else doing anything about it I tried talking to him. Keyword: tried. He just denied my claims and offer for help, insulted me and ran off. I would find it annoying if I wasn’t so sure he was self-conscious. 

I did misjudge him. He’s a good actor. This is all a facade. He wanted to seem tough. He’s not, now it’s really shining through and his boyfriends are blinded by the lights.

If I was still so manipulative I would definitely have taken advantage of him. I want to... counter my past actions. Instead of scheming on how to... I don’t even want to go into that today. I’m basically saying I want to help instead of make the situation worse.To show I’ve changed. 

It bothers me that I’m not doing this for Roman. Sure, I want to help him and I hope he’ll be okay, but this isn’t for him. It’s sort of for me. Proof I’ve changed, reassurance almost. 

But hell, when it comes down to it, this is for Virgil. To make him trust me. Show him I’ve changed.

I might even get the chance for that much needed apology.

Deceit


	7. Wednesday 22nd April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for anxiety this chapter. There might be other things I’m not sure, please let me know if there’s something else.
> 
> How is everyone? Hope you and everyone you know is well and safe :)

Wednesday 22nd April

Virgil needed his camera back today. Much to Patton’s dismay, he hasn’t taken a single day off from researching, and now he’s going mad with filming. I guess Roman’s ship isn’t the only one that’s sinking... He should be finished filming sometime tomorrow, or so he says. 

Logan doesn’t agree with that though, bringing up some curve thing every 5 seconds. I just looked it up, it’s called the Yerkes-Dodson Curve. Something about anxiety and productivity. He’s insisting the constant focus on demonic possession is affecting not only Virgil’s performance, but taking an overall toll on his mental health.

I mean, spending a few days investigating that sort of stuff is *probably not* going to have an effect on you, even if you’re used to it, and studying this shit is your living. They’re right, he should take a step back for a few days... As I stated yesterday, Patton said he was jumpy, and now that I’ve actually paid attention to it: wow, is he on edge.

He’s been getting irritated easily, constantly fidgeting, among loads of other little things that I’ve noticed he does when he’s anxious. His boyfriends seem to be picking up on it too and making some sort of ineffective attempt to help him. Unfortunately, Remus definitely is picking up on the bad vibes, and he’s seizing the moment.

You see, Remus likes to freak people out. Whether he tells people disturbing things, or makes up morbid situations- basically just being unsettling. When Remus wants to scare someone, he succeeds. No matter the consequences.

At the moment, he’s playing with Virgil’s anxiety about demonic possession. I’m scared he’ll do something extreme. If I’ve told him once I’ve told him a thousand times: he is putting our safety in danger doing this.

He doesn’t listen. He doesn’t care either. He wants payback. Unlike me, Remus hasn’t really gotten over the fact that Virgil left us for them. Also, unlike me, he can’t accept the fact that we are at fault almost entirely.

He wants to hurt Virgil. He wants Virgil to feel as helpless as we did.

It’s an interesting prospect, and I *have not* thought about it a few times. Revenge would definitely be satisfying, but that rewarding sensation would be temporary. If it did anything, it would completely destroy any chance we have of making things right.

Any chance I have to apologise. I can’t have him take that glimmer of hope. I just can’t.

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez, Deceit really wants to apologise. Wow dude chill. I swear sometimes the characters just do what they like. I honestly have no control I just write what they wanna do lol.  
> Cya later everyone, stay safe :))


	8. Thursday 23rd April

Thursday 23th April

I was keeping a close eye on Remus all day, I was sure he was planning something. Just a gut feeling. It was an accurate one too.

At around 2 PM he asked me to help him. Asking if I could record him scaring Virgil. He planned to pretend to be a demon, or some shit like that. I obviously declined, and in the process, giving him a lecture about how he’ll get us kicked out and it’s unfair to treat Virgil like that.

As always, he didn’t listen. He just nodded along when he thought it was appropriate but never said a word. At the start he looked a little shocked. I guess my tone *wasn’t at all* angry. 2 years ago I’d have not only done what he asked, but go the extra mile.

Remus ended up storming off. Not that I really cared that I was now alone. Logan was working on the same case he’s been working on since we got here, Princey was watching cartoons with Patton in the morning. About the same time Remus requested my assistance Virgil finished recording and gave Roman the camera.

The rest of the evening Virgil was with Patton, who was making daisy chains and bouquets in the back garden. It’s not like I could join any of them, so I just watched a video about some obscure TV show I watched once. 

Remus will probably hold a grudge for a few days or just completely forget about it. I hope the latter, but the first less-ideal option means I’ll be alone for a few days. It might be a great time, not being bothered by anyone. Probably not, though.

The goody-two shoes *take so much* notice of me, apart from Logan talking about psychology, Princey insulting me or Patton just checking on how I’m doing, but Virgil avoids me at all costs. Not much change there.

I wonder what it would be like not having Remus whisper perturbing into my ear every 5 seconds. Last time he stopped talking to me like that was right after Virgil left. We were both really struggling. He was angry and I was filled with guilt.

He tried to go out to... get revenge... in a not so pretty way. A very very ugly way actually. I stopped him, but he didn’t talk to me for a week. Worth it though. I don’t even want to think of what would’ve been the outcome if I hadn’t of stopped him.

I stopped him then, I can stop him now, right? 

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Virgil, Patton and daisy chains though...
> 
> Hope you’re all doing good, stay safe :))
> 
> Also thank you for the kudos and comments it always makes my days when I see them.
> 
> Keep up being amazing!


	9. Update

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not an actual chapter, sorry!

Hi!   
Sorry this isn’t an actual chapter but I just wanted to give you an update. There’ll still be an actual chapter coming out today. 

This story is now also on wattpad! The story is under the same name and my username is the same. Over here will be updated first and wattpad a few hours after. I’m still getting the hang of wattpad so if you decide to read it there I’m sorry if it’s bad lol.

I’m also working on another story to go alongside this. It’ll basically just be other sides account of days. Not updated daily, but if there’s something interesting going on in this story, you can probably expect a chapter there explaining another side’s point of view. I’m working on a chapter for that at the minute. Hopefully it will be up today or tomorrow.

Lastly, I want to thank you all for your support. I’m so happy people enjoy this. I hope you, your friends, your families and everyone you know is safe and well.

That’s all for now, thank you so much,   
Parker :)


	10. Friday 24th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn’t sure whether or not to do a trigger warning, but please be careful of: ouija board, yelling, anxiety, implied anxiety/panic attack, and a slight mention of murder at the end.
> 
> It’s not as bad as it sounds (at least to me) if there’s anything I need to add let me know. Sooo yeah! Stay safe!

Friday 24th April

Remus fucked up. Remus really fucked up. Thank whatever deities there are we’re not being kicked out, as far as I’m aware. I still don’t have a clear idea of what happened, but I know it’s bad.

I was just reading a book Logan let me borrow and listening to music, when Roman literally threw Remus through the door, muttering curses under his breath and telling me not to let him leave. Remus was cackling. 

He proudly explained exactly what he did, placing a ouija board in the middle of Virgil’s room, then jumping from the closet in a long black cloak with a leg tucked behind his neck, screaming something satanic in German. 

I don’t know where he got the cloak, how he got his leg behind his neck or how he learned German. I don’t know anything at this point. It’s frustrating. Remus doesn’t listen. Ever. It’s stupid and I’m just done with this all. 

I screeched at him. I don’t know if the others heard. I don’t know if I really cared. I was just fed up. Usually I’d vent out my exasperation here, but in the heat of the moment I just let it all spill. Everything. I can’t even remember half of what I said, *I’m sure I wasn’t* shouting for at least 2 hours. It *didn’t at all* feel good.

I honestly am not sure what happened to Virgil. Remus said that he screamed and Roman came running. I was listening to music when it happened, so I didn’t hear anything. I assume his other boyfriends were there too. I don’t think they’ve left yet. I haven’t heard their footsteps. 

So either they’ve been there for 5 hours, or they left when I was screaming, and that’s why I didn’t hear them. I like to think it’s the first one, because in my personal experience, it’s hard to calm Virgil down. 2 hours might do it usually. Not today though. Not with the gradual build-up of anxiety and sudden shock.

Remus really is a motherfucker. No conscience, no empathy, no beliefs, no honour, no decency. I sometimes wonder how there’s even a person beneath all that. He’s cruel, but he’s angry. He thinks he’s been screwed over. He thinks we both have been screwed over, but it’s Virgil who’s really been screwed over.

It’s bad enough what we did in the past, but not receiving any apology (despite my best efforts) and now Remus being Remus, doing shit like this.

It’s a wonder how he doesn’t use all that research to murder us both. 

Deceit


	11. Saturday 26th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! Here’s some of Virgil and Deceit’s past! Trigger warnings for this one:
> 
> Anxiety attack, abuse, manipulation, 
> 
> Please please please tell me if there’s anything else
> 
> Hope you enjoy :))

Saturday 25th April

Remus has been banned from the top floor. I’m not surprised, Virgil apparently had a huge anxiety attack. Remus has been really heartless, saying that it was funny and no one had a sense of humour.

I’ve honestly tried my hardest to get him to understand. He just doesn’t. This is all some sick game to him. I know exactly what he thinks. I know exactly how he feels. I used to be like that, and it’s strange and straight up infuriating when people are stuck in the mindset of the past. 

The past. I need to accept it to truly move on. Get rid of it all. I want it to be GONE.

Virgil and I were friends since we were kids. Being next-door neighbours, it was hard not to be best friends. We grew up together. I knew him inside out. He knew me like that too...

Until we were around 13. I started putting up walls. I hid a lot of things, and lied more than ever. It wasn’t like a sudden thing, no, it was gradual. Until he didn’t know me at all. It was a fake me, a persona. 

My dad raised me on his own. *he was the absolute best*. A total shithead. He’d hurt me. He’d do all the things I found myself doing at some point or another. At the time I thought it was okay, because he’d comfort me after he did anything.

Eventually, some teacher spotted bruises and called CPS. They took him away. Virgil’s family took me in. I’m grateful, but sometimes I wish they didn’t. If I hadn’t of been living there, maybe, just maybe things would be half-alright between me and him.

Everyone made it very clear what my dad did wasn’t okay, but when you’re raised thinking it was, it’s hard to snap out of that mindset. Being friends with Remus didn’t make things much better. We snuck out a lot, and bullied people.

Both of us were angry at the world, so we took revenge. It wasn’t the people who hurt us we got revenge on. It was vulnerable people. It didn’t matter, everyone was a part of society and it was people within that society that hurt us. So it was good enough for us.

Then Remus saw how vulnerable Virgil was. He was always more fight than flight, but he was sure I could disable the defences. A toy for us to play around with. Our personal marionette.

That’s when it all went downhill more than ever before.

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohh I wonder what else happened! Any theories? I’d love to hear them lol.  
> Stay safe and I love you all!


	12. Sunday 26th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW abuse, self harm, abandonment.
> 
> Again, tell me if there’s anything else I am literally begging you.

Sunday 26th April

So yeah. I was a bitch, I pushed him further down than anyone should ever be, and fucked with him. It was enjoyable at the time. I felt powerful and because Remus kept egging me on, it was okay. Or so I thought.

It went on for years. It shouldn’t have went at all, never even mind that long. But we didn’t know it was bad, because everything was just normal to us. 3 years into it, it was really bad. We caught Virgil self-harming.

To this day I can’t explain the feeling in my gut. It was sort of a mix of anger, guilt and fear. But even that doesn’t sum it up. That’s when I realised what we were doing was wrong. It didn’t stop. Remus thought I was going soft, and told me I was crazy. So it continued.

Virgil left a year and a half later. Got up and walked out the door. I’m so glad he did. That fed into the realisation that I was hurting him too gravely. If it had continued too much longer, I don’t know what would’ve happened.

If I was a fictional character it would be the start of a redemption arc. Only the start. It’s not complete until I apologise to Virgil. Then it might end. Now you see why I’m so hellbent on saying sorry. It’s the least I can do.

Remus isn’t getting any better, I’m *not at all scared* he’ll never grasp that we were wrong. The bad guys, so to speak. I want him to help me change that, but he won’t work with me! 

I don’t know if Virgil would accept my apology, no matter how sincere it is, if I’m friends with the idiot that is Remus. Maybe he won’t think I’ve moved on. I’m not leaving Remus behind. Never in a million years. Wouldn’t even dream of it.

He’s been abandoned one too many times, I’m not adding another time to that. That’s why I need Remus to change. It’s the only way. It’s selfish, but selfishness is good, most of the time.

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed that angst load. Its the last of the backstory for now. Sorry the second story isn’t up yet, it’s taking a little longer than I thought it would!
> 
> Again, love you all, stay safe!


	13. Monday 27th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick warning for fake character death. (They act out a scene with death)

Monday 27th April

Roman organised a karaoke night tonight. It was pretty great. Remus didn’t come, which is understandable. The ‘good guys’ didn’t like him in the first place, they certainly hate him after what transpired on Friday. It doesn’t feel like 3 days. Too long ago but still not long enough.

I was glad it was a chill night. I felt welcome and sort of appreciated for once. It’s stupid, I know but I think taking a night to forget about everything is just what I needed. Just relax and watch the others perform. Maybe perform myself.

Patton baked cookies earlier, so we ate them watching the performances. They tasted great, the chocolate chips flooding my taste buds was an amazing feeling. I kept some for Remus, and gave them to him afterwards. What he did was really vexing, and I don’t blame the others for not speaking to him, but I’m not letting him be completely isolated.

I didn’t think about Remus at all. I was busy being *not at all wowed* by their singing. They sang together and separately, my favourite by far was Stay Alive (Reprise) from Hamilton. Logan was the Doctor, Roman was Alexander, Patton did Eliza and Virgil was Phillip. 

I cried. They acted it all out perfectly and Virgil is surprisingly very good at pretending to die. It was the saddest thing ever, watching Virgil go limp on the floor was actually heart-wrenching. His boyfriends reactions were so agonising to watch. Roman’s shocked and devastated expression, Patton’s heartbroken tear-streaked face, and then Logan watching helplessly from the sidelines.

It’s pathetic that how perfectly shattering the scene was, isn’t why it was my favourite. I have a love-hate relationship with the actual reason. It’s because once it was over, and they were rising to their feet, smiling at their success, Virgil looked at me. He smiled.

I must’ve looked at mess. My dishevelled appearance staring at him in sadness, then he looked at me, a glimmer of hope in my eyes, he smiled. Well, it was more of a smirk, but that’s as close to a smile as you get with Virgil. I most likely had a look of pure disbelief when he did. 

He looked away soon after, but maybe things will be alright. Maybe I will get that chance. Maybe I don’t have to worry about Remus fucking everything up and just worry about what I want. 

What I want is to be free from my past. I’m not there yet, but I’m on the right path.

Deceit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that, I have no idea where half of that came from but I guess it turned out okay :))
> 
> Stay safe and I love you all <3


	14. Tuesday 28th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Remus being Remus, I’ll update the warnings in the morning, because it’s getting late here. There’s nothing too serious.

Tuesday 28th April

I spent today with Remus. It was all the usual stuff. He’s a bouncing ball of constant chatter. From telling me about a Roman emperor named Caligula going to war with the sea, and countless murders: which, worryingly has a lot of detail. He has a good memory for that sort of thing.

He’s just addicted to morbid stuff, people get disgusted easily, but I don’t. I mean after nearly 7 years I’m used to it. I’ve seen him DO worse than what he talks about. If no one’s getting hurt, it’s funny. He’s done some pretty unbelievable things over the years.

A few years ago, he wanted to make a museum in his spare room. Not a normal, ‘boring’ as he put it, museum. No. This was a museum of empty deodorant containers. He got pretty exasperated when there weren’t enough containers fast enough, even after several days worth of dumpster diving. That’s when he started eating deodorant. How he thought that it was a good idea, I’ll never understand.

There was the cheese in the bath incident., that I wrote about briefly. Well, incidents. It happened several times. I have some good photos from those times. I printed them off for Remus because he kept breaking his phone. One of my favourite photos is of Remus, Virgil and me at a theme park.

We were going on holiday in Ireland, travelling all over the place, north and south. Remus was getting obsessed with The Great Famine, and slowly, the titanic. We visited the Titanic Belfast, The Ulster American Folk Park, Tayto Park and loads of other places.

Tayto Park is where the photo was taken. Who knew you could make a theme park surrounding Potato chips (or crisps, since it’s Irish) Remus went on ALL OF the rides. I went on three or four, because I *totally wanted to take my hat off*. Virgil went on a few, but got light-headed after the Cú Chulainn Coaster. 

I don’t really know if Virgil liked Ireland that much. All the locals talked a lot, even though we were strange tourist, focusing on the horrific stuff in Ireland’s history. Then again, we moved all over the place, who knows. There were places that were quiet. Maybe he enjoyed the serenity of the Emerald Isle. I really don’t know Virgil is hard to read.

Remus is incredible easy to read, in fact, you don’t have to read him, he says exactly how he feels. He made it pretty clear he was jealous I hung out with his brother and his boyfriends. That’s why I spent all day with him. A sort of sorry. Not that it’s needed, but if it makes him feel better, why not. I have nothing better to do.

Anyway, I enjoyed it. I can’t think of a way I’d rather have spent the day.

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I’m tired.


	15. Wednesday 29th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another fake death warning and yelling.
> 
> Don’t worry this isn’t an angsty chapter

Wednesday 29th April

We made pizza today. It was from scratch, and tasted really good. Even Remus helped make it. I’m surprised the house wasn’t on fire by the end of it, because Remus within a few feet of a kitchen is a fire hazard.

There was a fight when we were putting toppings on. Yes, a physical fight. No not like that. Roman wanted to put pineapple on his pizza, then Virgil got pissed. He was full on shouting at Roman. Screaming about how pineapple on pizza was wrong. Roman was nearly in tears, it was *not at all hilarious*.

But it gets better. Patton was trying to calm the situation down and Logan walked in, returning from changing ties, after getting the first one covered in flour. After someone explained the situation to him, he also started yelling. 

At this point, Roman was on his knees begging for forgiveness. He was so powerless on the floor. I decided to help him. I slipped out of the kitchen to the living room, and grabbed as many pillows as I could.

That’s when total warfare started. I first threw 2 pillows at both Logan and Virgil. Logan threw one back at me, and Virgil threw one at Roman. Patton took cover under the table, I gave some pillows to the twins and the true battle commenced. 

Pillows were flying everywhere, Virgil was cursing everyone, Logan was muttering about how foolish it was, but kept tossing pillows in all directions anyway. Roman was being over-dramatic every time he was struck by a pillow, Remus was completely destroying everyone and Patton stayed hidden.

I don’t blame him, thing *weren’t at all hectic*. The constant scramble for pillows, ducking every five seconds to avoid getting hit and screaming at your “team” to get down. I think Roman and I won. Logan quit 10 minutes in because it was “too childish”. Eventually, he had to retreat to below the table with Patton, because Remus wouldn’t stop plaguing him.

Virgil was next to go. He was outnumbered. Roman has him cornered and gave a passionate speech, asking Virgil to come to his side of the struggle. Virgil declined, and requested that Welcome to The Black Parade be played at his funeral. Then Roman threw a pillow at him. Very anti-climatic if you ask me.

So Roman got pineapple on pizza in the end. All’s well that ends well, I guess.

Deceit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it was short and there’s probably some mistakes I’m really tired


	16. Thursday 30th April

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: insecurity  
> Hi! Sorry this is so short, it’s been a rough day but I still wanted to post something.  
> I’m fine and I hope you all are too
> 
> Stay safe!

Thursday 30th April 

Yeah, so today I confronted Roman about his obvious insecurity. When I say obvious, I mean obvious. It’s a wonder how his boyfriends didn’t pick up on it.

Everyone was working, bar Roman. Patton at the dog shelter, Logan still slaving away at the same case (with no new leads) and Virgil recording and editing short section to add to the end of his video. Raising awareness for a charity or something.

Roman and I watched some musicals, he sang every word extremely loudly. He’s *not at all a good singer*. Definitely among some of the best I’ve heard. He noticed me staring in awe and started apologising profusely.

I was very blunt at first. I just put my gloved hands on his shoulders and, giving him a light shake as I said, “Roman, you are incredibly insecure and you need to talk to your boyfriends about this” I think I may have come across as aggressive, so I softened my tone. 

He denied it. I listed off all the little things he does. The ones that scream insecure, and he just had this shocked expression on his face for nearly 5 minutes. Once he snapped out of it he begrudgingly agreed to talk to them.

I did have to threaten telling them myself, but we got there in the end. Now they’re somewhere on the second floor. They’ve been there for an hour now. I can hear pacing coming from up there and the occasional voice, but nothing big.

Deceit


	17. Update

This is probably going on hiatus for a few days until I sort out a schedule for writing or something.

So sorry! But sometimes you got to take a break. Self-care and all that. 

If you want a more updates on all this go follow me on tumblr, my username is airborne-Parker.

Hope you all stay safe, and see you all in a few days <3


	18. update again, sorry!!

hi everyone!

I hope everyone is doing okay in these hard times.

im so so so sorry that I haven't updated this in forever, im going to try to update it sometime this week. Updates probably wont be everyday, more likely once or twice a week.   
But anyway, we're back in action. If you want more updates, go follow me on tumblr (airborne-parker) and i'm about to post the first chapter of a story about the creativitwins. So keep an eye out for that. :)

anyways, as always stay safe and cya later <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're back!! Hopefully you didn't miss me too much. Let's just pretend I've been using Janus all along :)  
> TW: toxic slime, self-confidence issues mentioned, fire mention, considering pushing someone down stairs ;)
> 
> stay safe!

Friday 1st May  
Remus had a lot of time on his hands, it seems. I woke up this morning, like any other. Everything seemed normal enough, until I looked down. Remus filled probably around 400 plastic cups of some form of green slime and placed them so that they covered my floor. The whole floor. I had no clue what to do. There was no way I was even going to risk putting my foot in that stuff, because knowing Remus, it was most likely highly toxic. I also wasn’t going to give Remus the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten me. I was stuck, so lay on my bed for 3 hours until someone came looking for me.   
I expected Remus, maybe Patton but it was Roman. I don’t know what he was originally coming to find me for, I was under the impression they were figuring out his self-confidence, but he agreed to help me escape. Something about it being his sworn duty as a hero, or something along the lines. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself but I felt it might benefit me to have Roman on my team for what I was planning next.   
It was slow but eventually we cleared out all the cups. It was after midday and I was starving. As much as I would’ve liked to enact my revenge then and there, we had to get lunch. There was a barbeque in the backyard, which Patton was allowed nowhere near. Something about nearly setting everything on fire, I didn’t really listen. I was preoccupied, staring at Remus *not at all nefariously* and thinking about my plot for revenge.   
I explained it all to Roman. He helped “improve” it. He did admit pushing Remus down a flight of stairs was tempting, but probably not a good idea. So, he basically completely revamped the plan. He’s going to coat the stairs in rainbow glitter glue, so Remus can’t get downstairs without coating his feet glittery. Roman and I are going to be staying downstairs, because we have to paint them, and we want to see the aftermath.   
Patton won’t mind getting glitter stuck to him, Virgil parkours just about everywhere anyways and Roman really wants to see Logan freak out at the mess. I don’t think he’s mad at Logan or anything, they seem to have a rivalry. Now, we play the waiting game. I’m probably going to look at some videos of snakes, and watch the clock until it’s time. I’m not sure if this’ll really be effective, but if it isn’t, we can always nudge him down a flight of now glittery stairs.

Janus


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t read over this chapter or the last bc I honestly just wanna put my stuff out there, so let me know if there’s mistakes.
> 
> Love y’all and stay safe!

Friday 2nd May

The prank turned out to be majorly underwhelming. Roman started costing the stairs from the bottom, while I was searching for some place to hide this book. I couldn’t find anywhere secretive enough, so I ended up just carrying it under my arm and hoping no one would notice it.

I left the kitchen and Roman already had the first step covered. I stepped over it and started to help him. Neither of us had gotten any sleep so, understandably, we were tired. Tired and oh so stupid. 

We forgot that we would need to come down the stairs after they’re coated. I realised this after we had done just over half of the stairs, too much to turn back. We’ve been stuck up here ever since.

The sad thing is, it trapped everyone except the target. Remus found a way out through a window. So, that was a complete and utter failure, but I will get my revenge... Just you wait.

Virgil parkoured down as expected, Logan just sort of sighed and retreated, Patton gasped in excitement before trying to pick up some of it.

Not sure if they know who did it, but neither Virgil or Logan are amused so it’s probably best to keep it to ourselves for now...

Janus


End file.
